On April 1st will begin the first edition of World Fanboys Fighting Championship, held in Detroit, US. Planned from years ago, the soon to be annual fighting contest will become a reality, as wished by people from all around the world.
As stated by the official staff of the contest, the fighting championship will give the opportunity for fanboys to fight each other in the following contests:
- Best PC Operating systems (Linux fanboys vs. Windows fanboys vs. MacOS fanboys vs. BSD fanboys)
- Best Mobile Operating systems (Android fanboys vs iOS fanboys vs Windows fanboys)
- Best GPU ( AMD fanboys vs nVidia fanboys )
- Best CPU (Intel fanboys vs AMD fanboys )
- Best text editor (multiple teams)
- Best Antivirus (multiple teams)
Mr. Jackie Wacko, president of the International Fanboys Foundation, said: “It’s a great opportunity for fanboys across the world to settle long lasting disputes and fights over the internet. They will have the chance to directly face their opponents, fight them and show which one is right. Basically, there are no rules, except one: each fighter gets a weapon of his choice from a list of available items like: fork, chopsticks, usb cable, keyboard, spoon, mouse, headphones, external ssd, etc. Once the fighting match starts, there is no time limit for it, it will go on until one of the two fighters becomes physically incapacitated. Who wins, means he’s right. It’s the only and best way to settle these kind of arguments, I’m telling you!”
Concerned by productivity decreasing over time, multiple software companies ordered a study to find the reason why their programmers lack some basic skills when it comes to software development. It turns out that, instead of using manuals or provided help within their IDEs by simply hitting F1, programmers prefer to ask questions regarding sorting algorithms, printf() syntax and more on stackoverflow, quora, reddit or 4chan. Conclusions of the study were as follows.
Typical questions asked by programmers:
- How to optimize resources when it comes to toilet paper usage?
- How to pair socks from a pile efficiently?
- What is the color code in CSS for glossy white color?
- How can you compile in notepad++?
- Why is there a “chucknorris” color in html5?
- Help! My boss asked me to finish this today, but have no idea how to write code.
- 0 is false and 1 is true, right?
Typical answers provided to programmers:
- You’re a n00b.
- Quit your job as programmer and start working at McDonald’s.
- Your sisters knows better how to do programming.
- Why you do this in X, do it in Y programming language, it’s easier.
- I’ve done this is 3 bash lines, so quit Windows and start using Linux.
- I’m drunk now, but once I sober up, will provide you with a solution.
Other conclusions of the study:
- asm programmers don’t ask questions, they write it in c and copy-paste the reversed code in their projects.
- c++ developers consider all other programmers and being lazy and n00bs
- c developers have no class
- ruby developers quit their jobs right after finishing the project in order not to maintain it
- php developers spend more time fighting with DBAs than coding
- java developers have a very long delay into providing responses.
- cobol or fortran developers are mostly on life support or their testaments are currently being read.
- pascal programmers don’t know what year it is
- C# programmers never wear glasses, the IDE autocompletes the code for them
- SQL programmers always ask if they can join a topic
According to a new study conducted by geneticists from Clipperton Island and confirmed by scientists from International University of Internet and Memes, humans are currently experiencing a new biological/genetically evolution transition. Due to increasingly usage of technology on day to day basis, anatomical modifications of human body do appear.
The most obvious change pattern appear to people who take a lot of selfies with their smartphones. The pattern consists in:
- shrink of neurons and brain mass
- relocation of head from top of the body to chest due to large amount of time checking phone if it’s the perfect selfie and number of social media posts
- longer right arm which borrows selfie stick functionality
- higher and unreasonable self-esteem
The members of the new subspecies are called “Homo sapiens selfius”.
Below is a picture of one of the study subjects who show these signs of evolution:
Asked by our reporters what’s his daily life like, the subject who wanted to remain anonymous said: “It’s very nice that I managed to evolve in such way, it’s easier to check my selfies, to see who share and like them, no need to raise phone closer to my eyes. Also, there are a lot of other advantages, for example I don’t need spoons and forks, I can eat directly from my plate with my mouth; I don’t hit my head on top door frame, LOL”.
Dr. P. Ennis, lead scientist on the study, gave us the heads-up on a new breakthrough: “Homo sapiens selfius is already old news. An even more evolved collective of individuals emerged, with even more prominent anatomical changes: head between their legs, lack of brain cells and inability to get a job. The main reason behind evolution in such cases is the continuous habit of taking d*ck pics.”